Ok, well that’s the ideal. We all know we are ‘out of tune’ sometimes and the messy stuff in life may lead us to lose our body rhythm. But let’s just imagine that even though there are sad parts, and places where the harmonies are a bit crunchy, there’s a song that you are creating with your life.
Would you like to duet or threesome?
Or …. They really, really might not. They might sound dreadful.
Fear of relationship breakdown can often make us wary right from the start, so what tools do we have to understand at an earlier stage whether this relationship is a go-er?
But we can’t wait to share a few of their top secrets before the workshop, so here we go:
4 Keys to Successful Relationships
If you don’t know what your tune is, how can you expect someone else to recognise and enjoy it?
(By the way, you can train yourself to perform without knowing what you’re going to create, but that’s a whole other story for another time!)
Here are a few things that will help:
- Know yourself well -- what is really, really important to you in your life?
- What was modelled by your parents or other significant adults? Watch yourself as you are likely to be attracted to a partner who provides these familiar patterns even if they were not that healthy! Take what serves you, reject what does not!
- What do you most want out of a relationship? What is important within sex? What are your needs for emotional care? Is financial stability really crucial to you or not so important? Do you want monogamy? Does your future involve children? Compatibility on the ‘foundations’ is an important way to boost your chances of relationships success.
What is your way?
2. Keep Your Boundaries
- If you have always wanted kids but she/he doesn’t, she/he’s not right for you.
- If you want financial stability but she/he hasn’t got a job or does not plan to get one, how likely is that to work out?
- If tender sharing of emotions is the centre of your sexual energy, you need someone who feels and respects that. If you like a fast and dynamic pace, be sure he/she is ok with that.
- If you said you are happy with an open relationship but he wants monogamy, then you’re not going to make beautiful music together.
- If you need adventure in your life but she is ‘safe’ then you need to find a way to get this part of your life satisfied elsewhere, and is she going to be ok with that?
You get the idea.
It’s also important to know when you are stretching your boundaries to consciously test whether you might like something new. Relationships will always bring us new and unexpected things, so it’s good to stay open and extend your comfort zone too.
MY WAY IS: “One of my boundaries is this: My life and the way I live - it is not your business, I’m super happy to hear your opinion or thoughts but if you tell me what to do, I’m out.” -- Nerea Carryon
What are your Boundaries?
3. Say ‘No’ or say ‘Yes’ but know WHY
Are you dreading sitting through another sappy chick-flick with him/her?
If your tune is going to change key to harmonise with the other person, you need to take care and be conscious about how you do it.
It may sound trivial, but it’s these trivial things that give you a chance to be 100% yourself and to be clear with your partner about what you want. When you feel you need to compromise you need to know exactly why you are compromising and do so consciously, as otherwise it can lead to resentment, jealousy, or other unhelpful emotions.
For example, you can say ‘Yes’ to something you dislike because you are giving the other person an experience they want: (You are prioritising your value of “looking after the people you love by meeting their need to feel loved and care if you choose this:)
- Yes I will go and see the film because you like it
- Next time I would like to choose the film
- No I don’t want to go and see this film because I will not enjoy it
- I still love you and want to spend time with you -- will you come with me to a music event?
So if he wants you to change your tune too radically, or she is pulling you away from things you really love, time to understand what you are saying ‘Yes’ to and ‘No’ to and WHY. Always know WHY, or in order words, what is the intention behind saying yes or no. There is always a need hidden behind those words. If you don’t know why, see 4th point below!
MY WAY IS: “I don’t want to live in your country because is too cold, but I'm happy to find a middle way in between your home and mine.” -- Nerea Carryon
What is your way?
To learn, grow and flourish individually and in a relationship we need time and mental energy put aside to reflect on how things are going and make adjustments.
As it was mentioned at our Last Live Life Your Way Webinar Einstein had something to say about this, which is very relevant when a relationship gets into trouble.
we used when we created them. -- Albert Einstein
Make sure you have time to see what is in play in your relationship, and if your partner is willing, schedule time to look at it together and get some perspective about the direction you are going together. A small investment of reflective time will save you both a lot of pain and heartache later when you find yourselves on a path you didn’t want to travel.
MY WAY IS: “I think it would be great to set up a regular meeting for us to catch up on our relationship, work from a meta position monthly.” -- Nerea Carryon
What is your way?
There’s a lot in there! If that has whet your appetite to gain more clarity in your own life and your relationships, come along to our Live Life Your Way workshop on Sunday 25th of June or schedule a free coaching session with one of our gifted coaches to inspire you to enrich your relationships .
Heidi is a writer and editor who uses storytelling and journalistic tools to create great messages that make the world a better place.
Contact her on writerwithboots [at] gmail.com