I have been married for two years now and I recently found out something that scared the hell out of me: most of the marital problems come after the first baby is born.
Research has shown that the arrival of the first child increases the conflicts in a relationship and a decrease of satisfaction in the couple.
So if this is true, why would a couple want to have children when kids mess up a marriage so much?
And why does that happen? Shouldn’t it be the contrary? Shouldn’t a child bring happiness, peace and love?
Well, after talking to my friends who were recently parents, I reached to the conclusion that it is all a matter of management of expectations.
Usually parents, especially mothers, dream about the good things that come along with having a baby. Maybe influenced by the movies, advertisements and blogs that prefer to show and talk about the beauty of maternity. So they focus on how cute babies are, how lovely their clothes are, how they are going to decorate their room, the joy that the baby is going to bring to their life…etc.
And if you try to talk with recent mothers about the problems that come with the new baby, they hide it from you, because they are ashamed of saying what they are going through, because they think that they are supposed to feel happy and complete, so they feel guilty about what they are feeling.
So everything seems to be perfect, but it’s not.
The changes in the routine of a couple are inevitable. The responsibility that comes along with the baby – the lack of sleep and change of priorities can have a big impact in the couple’s life. Mothers and fathers respond and adjust to their newborn baby in different ways.
On the other hand, fathers, feel less important now that their wives are completely focused on the newborn. They usually feel left out and may even see the new baby as a sort of competition for their attention.
Mothers complain that there husbands do not help at home, that they have to do everything alone, that it is hard to be a mother, a lover and a caring spouse at the same time.
After hearing all these problems, don’t get distressed because I heard there were some solutions, wahey!
The first thing to do is to prepare your relationship to this new big event and to think realistically about the decision of having a child.
When a couple is more prepared, they face the difficulties better, with less stress and more joy.
Communication is the big key. It is essential that both talk about their concerns and share their problems.
Also, new mothers should make an effort to conciliate the arrival of the baby with the importance that she used to give to her husband. Fathers should be more tolerant and patient. Remember that your wife is exhausted and experimenting a whole new world of feelings!
When all conditions are met, a baby can actually bring more strength to the couple.
Do you identify yourself with this? Does it also occur to you?
Thanks for reading!