So you wanna cut the chord with your partner, but don't know how to go about it? You, my friend, are not alone. Almost everyone will have to break-up with a person at some stage in their life, so it's important to go about it in a mature and empathetic way. Sleeping with your man's brother is on the 'Don't' list, alongside getting a friend to end it for you or 'ghosting' the person until they give up. You must accept the fact that when you sign-up for a relationship, then, should you wish to end it, you must also sign-off in the same way: with dignity and class. Below is a list of 'Do's' and 'Dont's' for split-ups, to help you avoid messy mind games and hyperbolic shouting matches.
How did you go about your last break up?
Do you think you could have done better?
How do you avoid that this time?
Decide what you are going to say, in which order, and the main point of the conversation: It's Over. There's nothing worse than sitting on the other side of a confused person who's tugging on your heart strings and leaving slivers of hope that you still have a chance. If you've decided to move on, grow some balls or ovaries and just do it. Give them one or two main reasons, remain calm and clear, and expect some negativity to come your way. Remember that it's less painful for both parties if you don't f**k them around with false hope or continuous second/third/fourth chances. Avoid rambling on about how terrible they are and stick to your main point.
- Don't offer to 'take a break'
What the hell does that mean? It's a mind game and you are stuck in a middle-ground where you can't even try and move on, elongating suffering for both partners. If you're going to focus on yourself for a while, do just that. A break-up is messy enough as it is, without you adding more layers of complication and miscommunication. Fully let go of your fragile sensibilities and you'll have time to discover if you actually miss the person, or if you just fear being alone. These ladies have accurately described how 'taking a break' is quite a selfish option.
- Do break-up in person
It shows a level of respect, even if you may not want to see them again after-the-fact. Text messages and emails can be misinterpreted; the tone is sometimes lost and it can get nasty. Breaking-up is just like any other thing you don't want to do: a part of life and learning. A phone call may be acceptable for a shorter relationship, or an abusive one (if you fear their reaction), however looking someone in the eye and giving them the decency of your attention is much nicer than a 3-word message. If they ask for more detail after you've seen them in person, then you may wish to elaborate in writing. According to the Facebook survey taken below, though, if you're under 30, prepare to be dumped in the digital matrix, as 53% of the time this is how it happens!
- Don't do it in a public place, or around friends/family
Both of you may want to show your emotions freely, which is much harder if you're in a restaurant, or at grandma's 90th birthday. This is a decision between you and your partner, so having your mum get involved will only inflame tensions and cause more heartache. Do it privately. Allow them to cry. Allow yourself to cry. We are humans, not robots, and moving on is scary and hard- don't make it harder with external involvement.
- Do Remain Graceful
Your message: "I just don't think our personalities are compatible enough to continue this relationship"
What they hear from you: "You aren't good enough, you loser."
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